this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Your shirt... Was in my pants
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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