i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You're a waste of cheezeits
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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