Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
