I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My bed smells like the plague
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize