you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.