My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
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I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
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I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?