I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I wanna eat
then eat your cupcake
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.