IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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