I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
