Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
