WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
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