She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
