ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
