great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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