In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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