whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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