You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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