the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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