my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
