yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
