i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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