I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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