I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
