we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
