I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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