i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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