I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
