i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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