Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
and she was petting her beer can
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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