He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
