HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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