ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I fill condoms, not promises.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
