how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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