i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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