yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.