the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.