I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.