I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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