I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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