I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
