Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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