Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
