nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
