i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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