i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Naked Twister starts at high noon
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
