I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
