yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
