the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Send help, water and tortillas.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
