dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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