My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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