you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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