Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
