farters have to be the big spoon...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
