my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
