Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
40s are totally the cure
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
