In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
