at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
