Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
