he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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