He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
