There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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