i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
