Got a toothbrush?
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
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Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
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I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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